“Just breathe deeply.” If I had a pound for every time someone told me this when I was anxious, I’d be rich. The problem? Deep breathing made my panic worse, not better. I used to think I was doing it wrong. Maybe I wasn’t breathing deeply enough, or holding it long enough, or focusing hard enough. I tried every breathing technique on YouTube, downloaded meditation apps, even took a mindfulness course.
Nothing worked. In fact, some breathing exercises made me feel more anxious, not less. Here’s what I discovered: breathing techniques only work when your nervous system is ready for them.
Why Breathing Techniques Fail Most People
As Thich Nhat Hanh wisely said, “Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile.” But what if your body isn’t ready to calm yet?
When you’re in a heightened state of stress or anxiety, your nervous system is focused on survival. Asking it to slow down and breathe deeply is like trying to have a philosophical conversation with someone running from a bear.
Your genetics play a role here. Your COMT variants affect how quickly you process stress hormones. If you have slower COMT variants, those stress hormones linger longer, making breathing techniques harder to use effectively.
Step 1: Ground Your Body Before You Ground Your Breath
What most people do: Jump straight into breathing techniques when they feel anxious or overwhelmed.
What actually works: Help your nervous system feel physically safe and grounded first.
Try this instead:
- Feel your body making contact with whatever surface you’re on
- Notice the temperature of the air on your skin
- Gently move your shoulders or stretch your arms
- If you’re sitting, press your feet into the floor
- If you’re lying down, let yourself feel fully supported
Why this works: You’re giving your nervous system information about safety and support. Once your body feels grounded, breathing techniques become much more effective.
The genetic piece: If you have variants that affect your stress hormone processing, your body might need longer to feel settled. Your nervous system’s timeline isn’t wrong, it’s just individual to you.
Emma, one of my clients, discovered that she needed to walk around her room for a few minutes before any breathing technique would work. Her nervous system needed movement to discharge activation before settling into stillness.
Step 2: Work With Your Body’s Natural Rhythm
What most people do: Force their breathing into a prescribed pattern regardless of what their body is actually doing.
What actually works: Start by noticing your natural breath, then gently guide it.
When you’re stressed, your breathing becomes shallow and fast for a reason. Your body is preparing for action. Fighting against this natural response often creates more tension, not less.
Here’s how to work with your system:
First, just notice your breath without trying to change it. Where do you feel it most clearly? Your nostrils, your chest, your belly? There’s no right answer.
Then, instead of immediately trying to slow it down, see if you can simply make your exhale slightly longer than your inhale. Not dramatically longer, just a bit.
Why this works: You’re working with your body’s natural protective response instead of overriding it. Your nervous system learns to trust the process because you’re not forcing it.
Your COMT variants determine how quickly your body can shift from activation to calm. Slower variants need gentler, more gradual approaches.
Step 3: Use Your Genetics to Personalise Your Approach
What most people do: Assume all breathing techniques should work the same way for everyone.
What actually works: Understand how your unique genetic makeup affects your stress response and choose techniques accordingly.
For people with slower COMT variants:
- You might need longer, gentler breathing sessions
- Quick, energising breaths might overstimulate your system
- Cooling, calming breaths work better than activating ones
- You might benefit from breathing techniques done lying down rather than sitting upright
For people with certain MTHFR variants:
- Your nervous system might need more nutritional support for breathing techniques to be effective
- B vitamins (in the right form for your genetics) can make a huge difference
- You might notice breathing techniques work better at certain times of day when your energy is naturally higher
What this means practically: There’s no one-size-fits-all breathing technique. What calms your colleague might activate you. What works for you in the morning might not work in the evening.
Creating Your Personal Breathing Toolkit
Instead of searching for the ‘perfect’ breathing technique, create a toolkit of approaches that work for different states.
When you’re highly activated: Start with gentle movement, grounding, then very simple breath awareness.
When you’re moderately stressed: Try slightly longer exhales or gentle belly breathing.
When you’re already relatively calm: This is when deeper breathing techniques can be most effective.
When you’re in shutdown mode: Sometimes breathing techniques aren’t helpful at all. Your body might need rest or gentle movement instead.
The Role of Nutrition in Breathing Effectiveness
Here’s something most breathing guides don’t mention: your nutritional status affects how well your nervous system can regulate.
If you’re dehydrated, have unstable blood sugar, or are deficient in key minerals like magnesium, even the best breathing technique will struggle to be effective.
This is where understanding your genetic variants becomes crucial. Some people need more magnesium for nervous system function. Others need specific forms of B vitamins. Your genetics can guide you towards the nutritional support that makes breathing techniques actually work.
Breathing Your Way to Better Regulation
When you understand that breathing techniques are tools to work with your nervous system rather than override it, everything changes. You stop fighting your body’s protective responses and start partnering with them.
Your breath becomes a bridge between activation and calm, rather than a forced march toward relaxation.
The goal isn’t perfect breathing, just honour what your system needs in each moment.
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Remember: Your breath is yours to explore. Trust your body’s wisdom and let it guide you home to calm.
I am the founder of The Happy Reset and an integrative wellbeing practitioner specialising in nervous system health, anxiety, intergenerational trauma patterns, women’s health, and nutrigenomics. My mission is to help you move beyond ‘overriding’ your body and start understanding the messages behind your symptoms.
My Expertise & Qualifications: With over 20 years of experience in community-based settings and corporate wellness, I bridge the gap between complex science and lived experience. I am a:
Member of BAATN – The Black, African and Asian Therapy Network.
Member of ACCPH – Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists.
International Certified Brainspotting Practitioner – Phases 1-4, Group Brainspotting and Masterclass.
Certified TRE® Provider – Tension & Trauma Release Process, and member of TRE International.
Healing Diets Coach – with a specialism in Nervous System Nutrigenomics
Functional Fitness Coach – Level 4 and UK Athletics Coach
With an Integrative Approach to Healing – I work with individuals and groups who feel wired, depleted, or disconnected – often as a result of chronic stress, hormonal shifts, chronic fatigue, or inherited family patterns. My approach is deeply personal, shaped by my own journey through developmental trauma, medical intervention, menopause, and professional burnout.
By combining trauma-informed movement, genetics, and body-led practices, I translate complex physiological concepts into grounded, accessible insights you can use in daily life.
Speaking & Impact: I am a featured facilitator and speaker at Transform Trauma (The world’s largest trauma conference), The Therapy Show, and various festivals.
Written for Liz Earle Wellbeing and have delivered workshops and events for global organisations such as GE Healthcare, GE Power and Kiddylicious.
Based in Beaconsfield and London, I offer education and resources online and in-person through The Happy Reset – designed to support sustainable change across mind, body, and nourishment.
Learn More about services: Brainspotting | Trauma Release | Nutrigenomics
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